


pictures in a drawer (it's everything left in me not to stare at them anymore)

by genderfluidmirage



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: F/F, Relationship Talks, softness and seriousness, very much what it says on the tin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:47:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25271896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genderfluidmirage/pseuds/genderfluidmirage
Summary: Bangalore and Wraith find themselves prompted to have a talk about their relationship and the idea of going public.
Relationships: Bangalore | Anita Williams/Wraith | Renee Blasey
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	pictures in a drawer (it's everything left in me not to stare at them anymore)

**Author's Note:**

> this is only edited by me so any mistakes are all mine; thank you to @fyeahnix on twitter for helping me get the bangawraith creative juices flowing for this :3 
> 
> title is lyrics from local man ruins everything by the wonder years

Renee has already settled herself down in bed, sitting criss cross with her back against the headboard, sheets pulled into her lap. She always wears a really big t-shirt to bed over tiny pajama shorts, maximum comfort but still wearable if she needed to jump out. She was like that, always thinking about an exit strategy. Anita preferred soft sweatpants and a tank top, which she was still changing into when the day’s early events came to mind. 

“Still can’t believe Elliott earlier,” she chuckles, “What a meathead.”

The corner of Renee’s mouth twitches with the barest hint of amusement, and she tugs her hair out of its messy bun in preparation for sleep. 

“Yeah,” she agrees quietly, “That was weird.”

“Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, I can tell you that much.” Pulling her top of over her head, Anita turns back to face the bed - now Renee smiles for real. “What?” She shakes her head, but Anita presses as she comes over to bed, “Come on, what is it?”

“You’re just cute when you’re being mean to Elliott,” Renee murmurs, and Anita nearly snorts. She’d expected some comment about her tits or something, but this was much sillier and much sweeter.

“Thank you baby,” she murmurs, climbing under the covers and scooting close to press a kiss to Renee’s temple, “But to be fair, he makes it pretty easy. I mean, come on, how did it take him this long to pick up that you and I were a thing?”

“I don’t know how he’s smart enough to be an engineer, or smart enough to even tend bar, for that matter.”

“Beats me,” Anita agrees. But as she thinks about it, it gives her pause. And while Renee had already picked up a book to do some light reading, Anita interrupts it with a question:

“Have you ever thought about us going public?”

Renee glances up with a soft, “Hmm?”

“Going public,” Anita repeats. “Like, sure, Elliott should know. He’s close enough to us and whatnot, and we don’t exactly hide it from the other legends, but, you know. We’ve never made statements or been too obvious in public.”

Renee sets the book down in her lap, lips pursed. 

“Sometimes.” Anita watches her face, can see the wheels turning behind her pale eyes, but she doesn’t say anything else. Anita wishes she would.

“Hey, come on. Penny for your thoughts?”

“I never understood that expression,” Renee murmurs. “I don’t know what a penny is.”

“Um… me neither, actually. But my mom used to say it all the time.” It’s as if the mention of family softens Renee up, and she takes a deep breath as she reaches for Anita’s hand to squeeze.

“The truth is… I’m not sure I want to.” Her face twists and she pauses, a look Anita is familiar with, it means Renee’s having a hard time sorting through the chorus of sounds in her mind. She waits, squeezes their held hands gently to let Renee know she’s ready when Renee is. 

“The thing is – well… At first I thought of putting the spotlight on myself as a necessary evil. I was doing what I had to win, to stay in the games, to keep searching. I didn’t want all this attention on me, because I was worried people would try and stop me.”

“But they didn’t,” Anita fills in gently. “You found the labs. You know who you are, and what happened.”

“I _know_ I know that,” She says curtly, and then her shoulders slump a bit in silent apology. “Sorry. It’s just that since then, things have changed. I mean, I’m still searching for more information about myself but these days - I don’t feel like I have the drive as much. The thing is, I’m good at the games. And I’ve made friends here. Even if I found more of my old life…” She swallows. “I don’t think I’d want it back.”

It’s a lot to take in. Anita takes a deep breath, nodding slowly. 

“Yeah, I get that. I mean - in a lot of ways everything you find out… it must feel like… a stranger’s life.”

“Yeah,” she answers, more sudden passion packed into the single word than most sentences she ever spoke. “I don’t want any obligation to some who’s really only attached to… a ghost. For so long, I was ready to accept any scrap of self because I had nothing. But now…”

“Now that you’ve been here you’ve built a life for yourself.”

Renee looks at their held hands, and then meets Anita’s eyes. It was funny - Anita had heard a million things about those pale eyes, some fans thought they were cold and some would write poetry about the depths of sorrow within or some shit - and it’s not like Anita was opposed to poetry, in fact she wrote it herself sometimes. It’s just that she always felt nobody could possibly get a good enough look to write anything right about those eyes. 

Here, now… all she saw was longing. 

“You get it,” Renee whispers softly. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” 

There’s some more quiet between them, and then Anita sighs softly, shifting her weight on the bed to sit back against the headboard, slide and arm around Renee’s middle to welcome her against Anita’s side. A squeeze, a soft exhale of relaxation.

“That’s just it, isn’t,” Anita murmurs, enjoying the feeling of Renee resting her head on Anita’s shoulder, “We’re here. We’ve been here, putting everything on the line like it’s just a means to an end but… It’s not.” She shakes her head. “It makes me feel like a bad person.”

“Why?” Renee asks her softly, leaning up to nuzzle the side of her face.

“Because - because staying here means choosing all these people over my family.” She scoffs, “It means leaving behind my mama who worked every day of her life to take care of all of us, it means abandoning the brothers I’ve still got, it means –” she’s choked up now. “If I stay here… I’m the only one who knows and remembers Jackson.”

Renee doesn’t know what to say to that. She’d never lost a family member. In fact, it never really felt like she’d had a family until she started letting the people here in. The best she can offer is picking her head up and leaning up into the sweetest kiss; her lips are chapped but warm on Anita’s. Tender. 

“They’d want you to be happy,” she murmurs after they slip apart. “Right? We’ve talked about this. It’s expensive. It’s difficult to find anyone who would take you that far. And…” She cuts off suddenly, feeling less and less confident about her reasoning.

Anita feels a sudden burst of sourness, and picks it up for her: “No, go on. Say it. It’s a decades long trip. I could go back and - there might not even be anyone there waiting for me.”

“We don’t know that.”

“No, we don’t. That’s the whole problem, isn’t it?”

“Maybe not the whole problem.” Anita looks down where Renee’s pulled her hand away, instead wrapping her arms around herself; defensive stance. 

“No?” Anita prompts, but her voice is gentler this time. 

Renee’s voice is small when she speaks.

“There’s also me.”

Right away, Anita’s heart melts. She’d gotten so caught up in the her age-old problem of to-go-home or to-not-go-home, like she always did. She hadn’t meant to leave Renee out of her list of concerns though.

“You know I didn’t mean–” She stops, and starts again. “Renee… Whatever happens, I would never - I would never leave you out of it. You know that, right? You’re important to me, babe.” Desperation bleeds into her tone, a deep-seated need for Renee to understand how much she meant, so much so that it made any other emotion pale in comparison. Her partner is still quiet - and Anita lifts a hand to her face.

Gentle, swiping her thumb over Renee’s cheekbone.

“I know,” she says eventually, but Anita can see how the beginnings of tears shine in her eyes, “I know, I’m sorry. I just get - I get scared. I know you can relate to feeling that pull to stay here but... there’s way more at stake for you. I’m not arrogant enough to assume I’m always gonna tip the scale when you weigh your options. You know?” She looks down, swallowing around the lump in her throat. 

“That’s what I’m trying to say though.” Anita snakes an arm around Renee, pulling her until the other ends up lifted onto Anita’s lap, straddling her thighs. Anita presses their foreheads together, and her brown eyes are warm with earnesty. “I’m saying that –“

Words fail her, so instead she leans in and their mouths connect in a warm, hurried kiss. 

“I’ve built a life here too,” she murmurs. “One that includes you, and that blockhead Elliott, and our friends… Don’t discount how much you mean to, babe. I may have my doubts now and then but I - I wouldn’t have started this if I wasn’t - well. If I wasn’t ready to see it through.”

Anita bites her lip, and shakes her head. “Maybe that’s just it, you know? I _want_ to see this through, without all the pressure of publicity threatening it, you know?”

Finally, finally Renee warms up. She hooks her arms around Anita’s neck, and kisses her forehead. “Okay,” she murmurs, “So… we’re both in pretty violent agreement that we don’t want to go public but it’s because we’re stupid happy together and would rather be here than anywhere else?”

Anita grins back. “Think that’s the long and short of it, yeah.”

“Perfect. I was starting to get worried we were gonna break up there or something with how seriously we were talking about being happy here.” And then she seals it with another kiss, this one a bit harder, a bit longer, a bit more wanting. The kind of kiss demanding Anita leans up into it, chasing Renee’s hot mouth and groaning about it. 

“Fuck,” Anita murmurs, blinking hazily when they break apart again. “You can do that again.”

“Oh yeah? Why don’t you convince me?” 

Immediately Anita smirks at the inviting, suggestive tone in her voice. 

“Aye aye, sir,” and she presses at Renee’s shoulder to lay her back down so Anira can climb on top, drinking in every bit of those happy, excited giggles as she begins pressing fevered kisses at Renee’s neck.

**Author's Note:**

> woohoo i hope you liked this 
> 
> pls pls kudo/comment/etc if you liked it bangawraith is my favorite and i'm desperate for love
> 
> twitter is @bangawraith and tumblr is @genderfluidelliottwitt k bye


End file.
